Life After "I Do": Why The Hell Did I Get Married?
“A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day” – Andre Maurois
How soon after exchanging your vows did you begin to ask yourself, “Why The Hell Did I Get Married?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I can personally attest that I have pondered the answer to this question many times over the course of the last six years. The thing about marriage is, it’s not for the faint of heart and it’s definitely not a quitter’s sport. The idea of marriage presents itself in this cute little package full of excitement and passion, wrapped with a cute little bow. However, surprising situations will come about that will leave you questioning your reasons for getting married. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is all of that and more, but unfortunately the “more” is not always as warm and fuzzy as we anticipate.
I’ve witnessed many couples who didn’t realize it at the time, but their wedding was actually bigger than their marriage. Picture if you will, this huge grand event uniting two smitten people as one and then only three years down the road, the two who were supposed to be one, are now trying to become two again…all while the grand event is still being paid off.
I say this to say that marriage is not always unicorns and rainbows. Two people becoming one is an ongoing affair. In fact, you’ll find that the man you once spent countless hours pouring your heart out to, who courted you to the death prior to saying “I do”, the one person who truly “gets you”, whose natural BO used to send shivers through the innermost parts of your soul is now............... annoyed by the sound of your voice and does nothing but lay on the couch watching football games every chance he gets!
Or fellas, how about that woman who once upon a time cooked, cleaned and catered to your every need but now she won’t even boil an egg, barely straightens up and doesn’t have the energy to dazzle you in the bedroom. The mistake that we all make going into marriage is underestimating the maintenance that marriage requires. Conversely, marriage is work and going at it with a common goal in mind gives you something to come back to when the going gets rough.
Too many of us marry because our partner makes us happy. However, we fail to have a long-term plan in mind. Without a plan and without defined #Relationshipgoals, we end up spending the rest of our marriage searching for the happiness that somehow disappeared post “I do”.
Overall, Success in marriage happens on purpose. An excerpt from a recent book that I read called The One Thing written by real estate mogul Gary Keller (great read, by the way) says that “happiness is what we find on our way to fulfillment”. It goes further to say that happiness that lasts is the result of focusing your life on something bigger and by bringing meaning and purpose to your everyday actions.
With that in mind, I encourage you all to find the purpose in your marriage, whether it’s to inspire and motivate one another to be your best selves, to build something bigger than yourselves for others, or simply to be an example to married/aspiring couples and/or your children.
Whatever it is, stick to it long enough and the extraordinary results that come from pursuing your marital purpose will motivate you to work that much harder together to discover why you did in fact get married.
-Kennedy O’Neal
About the Author: Kennedy O’Neal* is a contributing writer to the Black Nuptials' “Life After I Do” relationship column. She is a thirty something mother of two, who resides in the Chicago metropolitan area with her husband and two children.
*due to the sensitive nature of this series, the name of the author has been changed to protect her family’s identity.
